Why Are We Doing This?
This post is for adults only! If you are not an adult, scram!
I have spent the last several days debating whether or not to post this guest post from a friend (who wishes to remain anonymous) I’ve made through this site. I even asked him if he was trying to get me in trouble. That was a stupid question…
By the way, this is the unofficial part two of What Are the Best Things You Can Say to Your Man.
Here’s why I decided to post it. Anonymous8 has been built on the premise that we can have open and candid conversations that we typically avoid. We have, as Mr. Anonymous pointed out, taken on the tough issue of p-rnography (trying to avoid spam) as the teacher of our young men in The Sexual MISeducation of a Generation. The discussion there was at a high level and many thought it was refreshing for its candor and that it was up-to-date.
That’s the light in which I present today’s topic. It is honest, and as you will soon see, it’s really beautifully written. Did I mention that he is a committed married man, so this is coming from that perspective?
Finally, I showed it to two girlfriends. The first, who is single, asked for his number. I refused to give it out, because he is married. The second, in a long term marriage, remarked, “It is honest. That IS what men want to hear.”
Read and enjoy. A guest post from Mr. Anonymous.
Two words…
Somewhere down south heads are about to turn. When Sarah Baron @anonymous8 asked if I could add to her topics about the words men and women want to hear most I had already read her column about the two words that most make a marriage last, “Yes Dear“, and the one about the ‘sexy’ husband who cleaned the bathrooms. I don’t think so Sarah. No, not, ‘I don’t think I have anything to add…’, but I don’t think those are the two words. At least not for me…here we go.
Sarah: Please insert fair warning here…whatever they would say on the video boxes or that screen that pops up on cable TV after the commercials, “This content may not be suitable for all viewers…blah, blah, blah…language, nudity (only imagined) and sexual content (not kidding)”, aka, Let’s just say you may not want to read this one at the breakfast table. Insert disclaimer here…
“F-ck me…” (Sarah here. Trying to avoid spam.) There’s nothing like cutting to the chase. Sometimes you want to stop the words with a kiss, sometimes you smile politely at the breakfast table, or sigh and crash on the couch after the kids are in bed and the computers stop humming from the work you brought home, and the dishes, and the laundry and, and…and then again, sometimes you are half way there and you feel like you’re on your girlfriend’s couch (before you married her for some of us) and all that dating stuff is going on and you know and she knows, and there is only one thing in the world you want her to say…
Men can do that you know, turn off all the noise. When it comes to sex we can empty it all and exist in nothing but the moment. (“Ya, we know…”, women are saying across the continent as they read this.) The truth is there is nothing more precious to us, even after a decade of marriage and kids and jobs and schools and all the more important things, than that single moment of surrender that lifts the weight of being a husband, a dad, a boyfriend… of being a man. The moment when we know it was all worthwhile (forgive me that one, OK?). The moment before, when all uncertainty is tossed, before the belt is off in a single pull, before the button-fly tears open just like it is meant to, before the panties drop off your ankles, before you feel another breath on your neck and you look over your shoulder and say it, before…it’s all in the moment before. In those two words. It’s in those pale blue eyes that are mine, in the ageless years that have passed and the timeless dichotomy of birth and abandonment, of surrender and the pure unspoken safety of love and all the delicious things you have done…are about to do…in those two words, “F-ck me.” Say it…
Concluding Thoughts (From Sarah)
It’s all about getting lost in each other. That’s what this says to me.
Looking forward to your thoughts. Please note that all comments are moderated.
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I would agree with this statement. Mostly. While I wouldn’t every utter those two specific words if I say anything remotely close to them, my hubs FLIPS! He loves to know that I am just as ready as he is.
As a mom with 2 kids under 4, the daily household grind and my own business to run at home, it can get very busy around here. And sometimes the one person who’s (uh-um) ‘needs’ do get neglected is DH. If I say the magic words like Hi suggests, drop all the ‘stuff’ that I have to do and just live (and love) in the moment with him, it goes a long way for us. So, yep–i agree, those are the 2 words hubbies want to hear for sure. Now, the two words I want to hear are….’diamond earrings’!
OMG! That may be the sexiest thing I’ve ever read. Can’t wait to see if my husband agrees.
Grams,
See why I had to post it, and why my friend wants his phone number? Glad you liked it.
Sarah
Natasha,
I think we will have to do a followup post based on this comment. That is hilarious.
Natasha, I love “diamond earings” too
But seriously its such a revolving door … so much easier for me to utter those two words when he has met some of my needs. He is very good at that in my case.
So much easier for him to meet my needs when he knows that I … um … well … WANT HIM!!! His care for me makes me want to utter those two little words often. But it I ever uttered those exact two words I think he might faint (we were both raised rather conservitaly)
Sarah, glad you decided to post it!
Definitely agree. 100% this is what DH wants to hear. When we make the time to let go and make it happen, they are more likely to make the ‘diamond earrings’ happen for us too!
Just thinking of these “diamond earrings” comments are enough to make me not want to have sex, even if I do hear those two words. I think you ladies are missing the point here, by a few hundred miles. If your man ever even slightly feels that you’re using sex as means to an end, you’ve dropped the ball in a very big way.
Hi Sarah, and readers,
I have been biting my tongue for a day now and after seeing the comments I wanted to drop in and say thank you! for putting this ‘out there’ and for the response. I am inspired by the comments and reaction to a ‘touchy’ topic (sorry, couldn’t resist.) Whether you say those words or not, it’s refreshing and awakening to hear your voices echo back after dipping your feet into these waters.
I am also very impressed (not sure if that’s the right word), again inspired, by the responses of Canadian women…oh Canada! No wonder I love this place I call home. I am equally impressed with the evolution and development of blog sites and businesses that your readers are starting with the impetus and inspiration of sites like yours. Bravo!
Love and laughs
Hi
Ps. As for the ‘diamond earrings’ Stephan…I like to read a little deeper and see them as a means for women from different backgrounds and levels of comfort to relate to one another and break the ice when talking about sometimes taboo topics and words…I hear the nervous girlishness in their voices admitting they agree…I like it.
This is a very interesting point of view. Your blog is refreshing, but I wish one could find more content, though. I am looking forward to reading more from you. Keep up the good work. thanks.
This post is right on. Sometimes we have started our quest for fulfillment, thinking you may be in the mood, but, you weren’t. After a few swings and a miss, we don’t feel like striking out, so we quit trying. If you just come out and say it once and awhile, when you are ready,willing and able, we can have a lot more fun and be more relaxed. We may even want to romance you some, as we know that is important to you, and will have the result we are looking for.
Thanks for posting this.
This is a great post Sarah and Hi.
Women forget men’s physical needs, men forget women’s emotional needs… But as a woman who likes being wanted, sometimes we need to hear that too.
And for me, when he looks at me with that look in his eyes, where he wants me and he knows I want him too… is the nicest feeling.
I’ve found adding a third word to the mix works even better…
“F-ck me hard” or “harder”
Try it.
I have been married for 19 years! I have only heard my wife say “F<ck me" once… and it was early in our marriage. I would give anything… to hear it uttered again! The other phrases in your list are nice and well… but "f<ck me" is the only one that put's a mans fears and wants at ease. At the end of the day I just want to know my wife still loves me enough to say that… no matter what I've done.
One funny story relating to this. When I was single and carousing about town, I had one guy friend who was always scoring with the ladies in spite of the fact that he was a bit of cad. One evening I introduced him to my friend at a big group dinner. My girlfriend was a bit of a prude and after dinner she told me she thought he was a jerk and an oaf. Then we all went dancing and suddenly she went home with him. She told me that as they were dancing he said to her, “So you want to F*ck”? I guess it’s not just men who find this language irresistible.
My wife of 17 years said that to me for the first and only time once last April. It was very out of character. It had a strong impact. It also made me wonder if the change in her sexual behavior was because she was being coached by another man.
Yvesdropper,
Interesting… and your reaction to it is even more so. Maybe she was coached by her girlfriends? Or thought of it herself? And she has not repeated it again, huh? Maybe she tried something out of character, felt a little too edgy, and kept to her old self.
Sarah
I know i say this enough and am always rewarded well!!
For those who don’t like using the F word, I’ve found that “shag me” works just as well.
I think what many women DONT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND but should be pretty obvious is that men want to be desired. “F’k me” works (even better if its before you are having sex) because it makes it clear that you want him. Get that out of the way and he’ll have all manner of deep conversations, entertain future plans and allow you to get into his head. If you don’t demonstrate, though, that you desire him then all those things are just your *needs* and it hardly seems like a reciprocal relationship. All this talk about making deposits in the relationship bank with chores and affection is fine, if thats what it really takes, but has nothing to do with desire. Its the reason the 26 year-old turns his head because she communicates real want and desire for *him*.