It Works!
A friend shared this great idea on our girls’ trip.
When going into what you know is going to be a hard discussion, whether it be about money or kid issues or in-laws or anything that causes discord, try making deposits in the “marriage bank account” before starting.
I’ve Got Your Back
When we are heading into a discussion about a tough subject, I have found that what works for us is when, before we begin, we touch each other (hold hands, look at each other) while we say something like the following:
“I love you and think you are great. (Pause to let that sink in.) You love me, right? (Wait for the nod of acknowledgment.) I’ve got your back. (Pause.) I know you have my back. We are on the same team.”Now, begin the conversation you needed to have. You will notice a different tone.
She says it helps – a LOT.
Any other suggestions of what works for you?
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Good stuff! If you haven’t created an atmosphere of mutual love, trust and being on the same team, it makes tackling tough problems that much harder. As someone who was raised in a relatively affirmation-free home, I had a hard time learning this one in my marriage, but the effort has been totally worth it!
Having physical touch before starting a difficult discussion is so important! We have found that can change the whole flavor of the conversation. With touch we find that we tap into our love and passion and encourage our intellectual intimacy. Without touch the sharing of ideas and thoughts can disintegrate into an argument. Touch is so important to communication!
Thank you so much for your comments!
Brad and Kate,
Yes, I think most people underestimate the importance of the physical touch as part of this. I certainly did. It is just that sense of affirmation that indeed, your spouse means what he or she says.
Aaron,
Yes, to have the team attitude, you do need mutual love and trust. Thanks for commenting.
Sarah