EVER!
I had a Twitter conversation during which one of us joked that romance is dead.
First gut reaction? It can’t be. Why? Because romance is part of my soul, and I am projecting as I say this, but my hunch is that it is part of all girls and all womens’ souls.
Romance is inside of us, whether or not we have experienced it in the past, are in the giddy midst of it, or hope for it in the future.
It is part of our character and our makeup.
Romance, therefore, will never die. As long as women love or yearn for love, it cannot, by definition, disappear.
So, gentlemen, my question is, is romance part of your souls as well? Do you yearn for it like we do?
And ladies, do you agree that, if nothing else, romance = hope ?
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Romance is definitely not dead. As a matter of a fact, my hubby is more of a romantic than I am. He is not pressured to do something extravagant or out of character for him on V-Day as he shows his love all year long.
Oh, and we’ve been married 30 years!
Bernice
A lucky winner and more!
Thank you Sarah. What can on say on this day? 9 years, 2 cities, 7 homes, 2 kids, one love…and yes, romance is still alive. All of that and a lifetime of reminiscent love that found us right here right now and yes, keeps me (men) coming back for more.
xo
Taylor,
But what I want to know is if romance to a woman is the same as it is to a man, deep in his soul… Do tell…
Sarah
I think romance for men is both a part of who we are and something that can be taught and learned. I love to give my wife flowers, buy the candles and oils, etc, because that is who I am, but I also will buy her romantic things because I have learned in our relationship what things she likes. Does that make sense?
I don’t know about other men Sarah…I suspect not, honestly.
…but I don’t think I am every man and I believe romance is what makes me. It’s the journey that measures a life (a man, a woman), not the reward. For me romance is like writing …it’s a journey that never ends but you must earn it to love it. You must read and re-read and focus and let go and get lost and fall in until the words become your conscious thoughts. Are you with me? Are you with me now? Searching and in falling love with the inexpressive girlishness in all of you and falling in love with my wife in a new ways on regular days is what makes me. ‘You’ make me a man. Is that romance? Is anything deeper than that?
as always…thank you
I agree completely with this. So long as women feel it and believe in it, it will exist. And men can capitalise on it in so many ways, and make the ladies of their life happy…
Danny,
That makes perfect sense. I think it is the same for women. Some innate, some learned, right?
Sarah
Romance isn’t even remotely dead. I just think that it appears that way because many couple let it fade a bit.
I honestly don’t think I could do a relationship without a very hefty helping of romance. Hell I buy women I don’t even know roses on Valentines just to put a smile and lift spirits a bit…although this year I sent a hundred *grin* to make sure she knew she was special.
But of course it’s hardly about valentines…it’s about making sure she knows how special she is and reminding her without warning whenever the chance presents itself
…it really doesn’t get old to me.
-Tony
I’ve been reading this and a bunch of other blogs, and it appears that the sexes come at romance/intimacy from different directions.
Generally speaking (yes, there may be some women who don’t fit this) women require romance before intimacy and men acquire romance and emotional closeness through intimacy.
I’m reminded of the old “seeing is believing” vs. “believing is seeing” debate in spiritual matters. We’d hear skeptics say “I’ll believe it when I see it,” and tell them “You’ll see it when you believe it.”
I think that is just one of the quirks that God placed in His design. Oh, sweet Lord, do we need each other, right?
Romance is definitely in my soul… couldn’t live without it.
That said, I think guys also have a healthy sense of self-interest. So if their girl is a romantic type, and they know what’s good for them, they’ll make the effort too.
But to me, romance is a form of art. It requires some natural aptitude, and some will be better than others, but it also needs practise and taking the time to learn and study it. And it should be performed as often as possible!
Chuck,
I have seen what you say from my experience of writing about the different approaches and I completely agree. It is probably the biggest conclusion I have come to this year. The believing is seeing, chicken and egg, which comes first conundrum, which, I guess by design, will always keep women and men tied together…
Sarah
Thanks, Aussie, for coming by and explaining the many mysteries of men to me so succinctly and in such a way that makes me say, ah-haah… I think the art is romance idea goes in the opposite direction for women in terms of the art of seduction of men. That for us takes practice like the art of romance takes practice for men.
Sarah
Romance is associate with what you feel if you are truely inlove. It is always there,i agree it should be performed as often as possible! So that the fire of feelings keep burning.
thanks for sharing your insights.. great post!
Effectively though, Sarah, they’re the same Art, aren’t they?
Romance is the art of subtly seducing someone again and again.
But just as different types of art or music appeal to different people, different approaches to romance must also apply to different women and men. So, like any artist, we must both develop our person styles, but also be sensitive to our target audience.
I yearn for romance
LOL. It can be such an easy thing! It’s as simple as a note that says “thinkin’ of you” or as easy as buying her favorite cookies on the way home from work (unless she’s on a diet)…lol. Great post! GUYS PLEASE EMAIL ME FOR ROMANCE TIPS! me@philechols.com Ladies, give me your man’s email address and I’ll EMAIL HIM!
Wow, loaded question.
I’m kind of in line with some of the other comments here in that men and women come at romance from difference viewpoints. The biggest difference I’ve discovered is that women see sex and romance as rather distinct entities. Men, for the most part, simply do not.
AL,
Yes, you are right, when presenting it in that perspective… It’s all about marketing, in a way, with your feelings guiding the way…
Sarah
Thanks, Scott, for that. I agree that at least I, as a woman, do see them as distinct, although in every fantasy in my brain, I do see romance leading to a passionate love scene. When men think of romance, what do they picture – the picnic before, the flowers, the dancing under the stars, or is it just the sex scene?
Sarah
Wait a minute…I’m sorry Sarah but these guys aren’t going to get off that easy are they? Here is a simple test:
Ctrl F – [type] “love”
If your answer showed up on the radar I will at least in some part buy your answer. That leaves two of you (myself and the women present excluded). Danny – score! You’re in…and the flower department will likely keep you in under the sheets. John M – so close…but you used the L word in an objective statement with the word “associate”. Sorry, not likely to score there.
All kidding aside, well, mostly…you guys have sooooo completely missed the mark. Like I said to Sarah off line, your answers are sooooo practical and objcetive. Damn…near scientific. Other than Danny and maybe Tony “hell I buy women I don’t even know roses” – classic! – I don’t think any of your answers will make the women sigh and do the things they dream of AFTER the romance part let alone leave you on the “I would date the guy who wrote that” list.
Romance is suppose to be about romance…isn’t it.
Taylor
Hmmm. How to explain. Even the way you ask the question presumes a separation of the sex and romance. To me, and maybe I’m just an anomaly, the picnic, the flowers and the dancing are all part of the love-making scene not the prelude to it. I think women get annoyed that men think this say. I hear questions from women like “why is he always so pre-occupied with sex?” We’re not (well maybe a little). We just do not tend to separate our sexual being form our romantic/emotional being like women do.
Not sure I can do this complex topic justice in a short comment, but that was my shot at it.
I’d have to agree with Scott on his post. I don’t think it’s something, us, as men, know how to separate. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I expect to have a roll in the bed from each door I hold open for the one I love, it’s just the things over time kind of lead to that.
Allot of the romance depends on reaction as well. Again, it’s not like I expect a woman to swoon each time I smile and honestly try to tell her how beautiful she is, or each time I think to bring flowers, but as time drags by and reaction fades, I am less opt to try going out of my way to do such things.
I don’t think it’s that men think so differently about it, I think it’s all situational. It depends on the circumstance and reactions. Does our significant other react to most of our “advances”? Then it’s more incentive for us to advance. It’s kind of like a cat and mouse game. Of course, at times, for me, it’s always nice to become the mouse as well.
Women, honestly, you want to keep our romantic side in tact? You want to keep getting them flowers, or that card, or that spark at eye contact? Respond. Play the cat every now and again. Believe it or not, us guys like those comments too, but maybe not flowers, maybe a nice tool for our toolbox instead? =)