Giveaway Wednesday – $35 gc to Target
Our goal is to treat our community to fun ways to treat themselves.
Update: the winner of the $35 gc to Target is #281, Sarah Cordeiro
<br /> This drawing was held by Sarah Baron in a fair and unbiased manner, using RANDOM.ORG’s Third-Party Draw Service. For details, please see the <a href=”http://www.random.org/draws/details/?draw=2316″ _mce_href=”http://www.random.org/draws/details/?draw=2316″>drawing’s record</a>.<br />
This week’s giveaway is a $35 gc to Target. There’s a question we want to get answers to.
First, our winner from our last giveaway to Amazon is Glenda. I have sent you an email.
The Rules
To enter, please answer the following question.
In a long term relationship, when things have been bad for a while, what have you or your other done to turn things around?
You may enter up to three times, with each entry being a separate answer. They can be a word, a sentence or a page. The goal is that we all learn here (and if that’s the case, we’ll all win).
Each answer will be given a number in the order in which they are received. The winner will be chosen randomly by random.org.
Contest runs from this posting to Tuesday, June 1, 2010 at 6pm cst. Anyone 18+ can enter (although if you live outside of the US, we can come up with something more appropriate for where you are, like an Amazon card of equal value). Winner announced the 5th at 10am cst June 2, 2010.
While Visiting, Here are Some Other Posts You May Enjoy
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1. Going to an older couple who has more experience and being honest with them. Lay all the crap on the table and start talking through it with them present as mediators and wisdom givers.
2. When we have issues they usually manifest themselves in petty bickering. After a while one of us will just say, “Enough,” and we will talk about what the real issue is. Communication is the key for us.
3. Typically, I end up confronting the situation with a big conversation. I can really only think of one time this has happened in 6 years of marriage and after the conversation and some thing we didn’t have control over, things got much, much better!
Great, Nicole, and Sarah,
Thanks for starting this out and for the great great answers. I look forward to seeing what everyone else says!
Sarah
4. My husband and I had a rough time a couple of years ago, so bad that we actually decided upon a trial separation-we discovered that we were more miserable apart than we were together, so we better figure out a way to make things work-happily. Now we are better than we’ve ever been:)
5. This takes some nerve to do. Sit down together and describe how you are feeling. Feelings just are, be responsible for yourself and let the other person know your true feelings. How the other person decides to respond is up to them, not you. If the other person wants to “work” on the relationship, they will describe their feelings and together you can work it out.
(This has worked for me – 22 years married)
6. We never go to bed angry. This helps us resolve any of the day’s issues before they simmer and get worse.
7. Not keeping with the theme of communication…but I think a change in pace can really alter the way you look at things and maybe you’ll realize that what you are so worried about or fighting over really isn’t that big of a deal at all. Sometimes in long term relationships, we worry bout the nit-picky things, the things that really don’t matter. I say…Focus by getting away from everything else, visit a naughty lingerie store, get some sexy shoes, turn off your phones, and just focus on why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
8. Talking is the most important things. Unless you talk there isn’t anything that can be done. We’ll write each other letters detailing any specific problems and exchange them. IT keeps things from becoming an argument and when you have to write a letter it makes you sit and think about tangible events and you have to be specific.
9. My husband and I went to a crisis counselor, which is a marriage counselor that deals with immediate crises. The help we got was incredible and valuable.
10. One time, we really hadn’t connected in weeks, and we got our inlaws to take the kids for three days, and we went away and got reacquainted. Excellent, rejuvenating.
11. I have found that after decades of marriage, if we just run out after dinner for a Starbucks or drink, and rationally discuss things, everything is seen in a better light.
12. we go on date nights and reconnect
13. Talk openly and honestly, go on a date together, get rid of the kids for the weekend, and of course, jacuzzi baths!
14. I have tried to go to couples counseling with a relationship that was struggling. Interestingly enough it actually helped us to clearly see that we were not right for each other anymore, but in a healthy way.
15. We have tried to find a hobby or activity to do together to help grow us closer. This actually worked out really well because it gave us something fun and different to do together.
16. I think inviting a third party, such as a counselor, into the situation is a good idea. Sometimes it’s just good to have an objective opinion about things, as well as a professional opinion.
17. We spend a little time apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
18. We sit down and talk about things and try to come up with ways to compromise on the issues we have.
19. Have a date night! It always helps to remember why you fell in love in the first place.
20. A weekend away by ourselves always makes things better!
21. I would say the first thing and most important thing is to be open, talk about anything and everything only way to fix things it to know the things to be fixed no matter how mad or upset it makes the other person it has to be done
22. We try and go out, put it behind us and move on.
23. another thing is counseling
24. last would be time alone like a do over be apart then start dating again and so on even if your married its funny how going on a date helps
25. We have taken the time to speak to each other and discuss our issues openly and calmly, when we both cooled off. That seems to work the best.
26. Taking turns talking about our grievances while the other one has to shut up and do nothing but listen.
27. We found an excellent solution to problems in our long term relationship….divorce! It was all my fault, I was just not civil to his girlfriends…I know, a lack of character.
Thank you.
28. We started to spend more time together and listened to each other without juding before we hear eachother out
26. Spend time together with no distractions. No TV, no phone, no computer. Just each other’s company.
27. I have been with the love of my life for 29 years. When things get rough, we go on a weekend getaway, even if it’s just a hotel up the road, spend it doing the things we love to do together, talking and reconnecting. It always works. Sometimes you just need a few days to reconnect and remember all the things you love about one another.
iheartsweeping@aol.com
28. Counseling works but sometimes it takes a while.
Jaque,
Thanks for your entry. Sometimes the best solution is an end.
Sarah
29. I turn to God and understand that when I allow myself to get angry and get nasty, I’m allowing Satan into our relationship. It’s not always easy but we been through some pretty horrible times in the past 15 years and we are still going strong.
30. We’ve tried counseling and it helped tremendously.
31. The best thing to do in my opinion is to talk to my husband first and try to figure out where there’s a lack.
32. I any long term human relationship, be it family, affairs of the heart, co-workers, friends, it is inevitable bad times along that connection can happen, that is because we were created to have a thinking mind and can decide on things based on what we believe is righteous. At this point, if we disregard compromise, any relationship can crumble. But if we decide to turn things around, there can never be solution as effective as laying everyone’s cards on the table and find answer to ones questions and issues. Cliché as it may sound but communication has always been an all-time answers to issues of this kind.
vlyluga at gmail dot com
blogged it here: http://www.vernzfreestuff.com/2010/05/35-gc-to-target-giveaway.html
33.
34. We have taken a break to focus on our own lives until we were ready to recommit to each other.
35. apologize and move forward
36. We sit down and discuss what we feel is going wrong in the relationship and then we make goals to try and fix this problem areas
37. We started carpooling to work.
38. We made a commitment to get in shape together to get us out of our emotional and physical ruts.
39. We changed our work schedules to line up better so we would have more time together in the evenings.
40. When we’re having problems, I ask my partner what is bothering him and to suggest ideas about possible resolutions. I compile my own list of ideas and then we compare and discuss what we think will work out best. It’s a work in progress!
41. To turn things around, we sit down and tackle the things which affect our relationship. We try to compromise on items can still be improved and let each other know how we really feel on issues.
There had been hard times wherein we really needed to be on trial separation but we end up wanting each other’s company back. I really believe that communication is really the key to turn relationships around.
42. Time away from the daily stresses of life.
43. In periods of discontent one of us usually opens up and lets it all out on the table. We argue a bit but hash it all out. We don’t always agree but at least we know what the other is feeling and can move on.
44. gone to counseling
45. Somebody has to make the first move. Would it kill you to be the one to make it? Is the relationship worth saving?