Why Not WHAT?
It’s All in the Name of Research
Update: The winner of this giveaway is #117, BonnieP. We will contact you. You have 48 hours to respond to our email.
For those of you who are new to Anonymous8, we discuss everything. And we all learn from it… So, today’s giveaway is more of the same. If you are nervous about answering the question below (it is pretty personal), feel free to leave a fake name, but you must leave your real email in case you win. By law, I cannot use your email for any other purpose if you leave a comment. If you subscribe, that’s different. Got it? Good.
First, the winner of the $30 Target Card – Advice Please giveaway is #299, Ani. The advice given by all of you is INCREDIBLE, if you want to check it out here.
The Rules
Today we conduct research and need your help. The question we need answers to are these:
For what reasons or when do you turn down your other for intimacy? Is there anything they could do to get you to change your mind?
When and why do you say yes?
Some examples may include: ”I’m mad that he doesn’t help around the house.” ”She’s not nice.” ”I say yes whenever he gives me a long backrub.” “A date night usually does it for me.” Feel free to elaborate.
You may enter up to three times, with each entry being a separate answer. They can be a word, a sentence or a page. The goal is that we all learn here (and if that’s the case, we’ll all win).
Each answer will be given a number in the order in which they are received. The winner will be chosen by random.org.
Contest runs from this posting to Tuesday, July 20, 2010 at 6pm cst. Anyone 18+ can enter. Winner announced at 10am cst July 21 , 2010.
While Visiting, Here are Some Other Posts You May Enjoy
Intimacy in Marriage – Best Advice Ever – wonder if we can top this one with this giveaway.
18 Top Dream Date Ideas (this summarizes the answers from a recent contest)
Don’t want to miss a thing? Anonymous8 delivers! Click here for your options (they are free, of course).
1. As a guy, this is a rare occasion indeed. Sometimes, however, I’m not up for it. Usually, it’s because we were JUST arguing about something or she JUST said something to get my hackles up. That ruins the mood, for sure! All she’d need to do to peel me off the ceiling is to say that regardless of what she were talking about, she’s feeling “sexy” or horny and REALLY wants me… appeal to the part of me that wants to be desired and I can get over being criticized. Or, take the time to talk out whatever was just said until all is well, and go have make up sex. That’s more work, though!
My husband usually plays on his computer when he gets home from work. If he pays enough attention to me instead of his computer, he gets some.
Exhaustion. I’m just plain tired.
The next night, after putting DS to bed, I’ll suggest that DH and I retire as well…
Is there anything he can do to get me to change my mind?
How about helping throughout the day with the kids so I don’t feel tired by the end of the day and say yes
5. May be if he shows more interest in me rather than plain intimacy
I would also think some words of love and romance before would help
Most times it is due to exhausation. After a long day at work, coming home & cooking, maybe running errands, doing a little cleaning or laundry, pretty much wears me out. If he would help with those things (being that he is home all day) would help, but he doesn’t see that.
If he is ready to go to bed with me at a decent time, not midnight. Most times I do it anyways, but I do get tired, moreso now that I am pregnant (8 weeks).
I usually say no if I’m extremely tired. That never stops my husband from trying though and I almost always give in… lol
Oh! I will also DENY if he brings his video game console into the bedroom, because I KNOW that means when we’re done he’ll be playing his game… and that doesn’t fly with me. So on those nights I say no and stick to it. Because if there is no snuggling after we’re done, then forget about it@!
10. I’ll also say no if we’re fighting, which isn’t often. Those nights I don’t even want to be touched, let alone be intimate.
Other than those times I generally always go for it if he wants it, or start things myself. I love my husband and I love being intimate with him, it’s one of my favorite pastimes… lol
I never say no. If I am not in the mood I just go to bed first so I don’t have to say no.
I can’t be intimate if we have been arguing or I haven’t been given any respect or appreciation.
The only way to get be to be intimate is for a period of time (longer than a day) show some respect, love, appreciation and caring.
You can get me in the mood by “wooing” me:)
15. When I’ve had a bad day and he shows no compassion – I would definitely say NO! Only thing that would change my mind by that point would be … oh nothing! When I’m having a bad day you best recognize it and offer positive assistance if you want anything out of me at bedtime. Otherwise you’re on your own.
My last husband wanted to have sex when it was ‘that time of the month.’ I refused. I could never make him understand that for me that was just nasty.
When we’ve had a refreshing day and I have enjoyed his company and his advances throughout the day you can bet I will say YES or even be the one to instigate what happens.
If there have been harsh words or an argument, then the answer is typically no. On the flip side, good feelings & consideration typically gets a yes. As for turning the tides … doesn’t usually happen … best to just wait!
Being exhausted is also a consideration … if either is really, really tired … then, IMHO, best to wait.
20. Right after a heavy meal … no. Morale of the story … eating light is a good thing!
i hate people who are drunk. so if he goes out with the boys and drinks. i dont want to be bothered by him. my dad was a mean drunk so i have flashbacks. my husbands only goes out about once a month but it makes me mad for days so i dont want him around me, the answer dont go out and drink. he says that is controlling him and he is not my dad
If I’m too tired. He could change my mind by giving me a massage, then I could get into the mood!
For me it is more mental (whereas for my husband, it is more physical)… and at the end of a long day, the last thing I have is extra mental energy to expend on sex. After 14 years of marriage, I do believe my husband has caught on… because now he meets me in the shower pretty regularly in the morning.
If he hasnt done his housework or chores for the week. He could get me in the mood by doing them!
25. utter exhaustion usually is the only reason none-
I have realized that usually when I am not in the mood is when I don’t feel attractive, when I feel bloated or just plain unhappy with myself. But those are actually the times I need my husband most- for the reassurance that he finds me beautiful.
Usually I turn it down because I’m tired. However, he lacks subtlety which turns me off.
I tend to say No less often now than I did a few years ago. After a few good reads I have learned more about hubby’s needs and am willing to share myself more.
If I have a migraine stay away from me!
30. that’s easy, just being tired!
also if I’m mad, that is a big one:)
I have been with my husband for 15 years and there are times when all I have to do is just have to look at his lips and I get that warm fuzzy feeling all over.(he is the best kisser with the softest lips!) It doesnt matter where we are, one look and I turn into a horny 15 year old.
I never believed anyone could still feel butterflies and have an exciting sex life after being together as long as we have.I believe this is because we are friends first and foremost with each of us respecting each others thoughts and opinions.
Being in love brings everything to new heights.
I’m not really an affectionate person, but I do like to be held. I hate having my space invaded..even by the one I love. If I’m down, he can show me some love.
Being tired is usually my problem. With working, taking care of kids and older family members, there’s many times that I just hit the bed and immediately fall asleep.
I guess what works best for me, is helping out and letting me get a little snooze in during the day.
Thanks so much.
35. I will turn him down after he cuts the grass and hasn’t showered. If he showers, then maybe so.
For what reasons or when do you turn down your other for intimacy? Is there anything they could do to get you to change your mind?
*The only thing that will make me turn it down is pregnancy. If I’m not nauseated, I am physically uncomfortable, and I just have ZERO drive. Fortunately my husband understands this, and this WILL be our last pregnancy (twins). He has put up with so much
When and why do you say yes?
Any other time, I have no issues- he’s just the greatest guy and whenever he’s ready, I’m ready.
Thanks!
I’ll usually say no when I am in any kind of pain that makes me feel really nauseated. I’m in chronic pain all the time, but there are times when I just can’t.
What could the hubster do to make me in the mood, well really at those times nothing at all. Nothing works when I just can’t.
When and why do I say yes, is when my pain is at a level I can work through it and not feel nauseated. Why do I say yes, simply put, I love my husband and couples need to connect this way.
Because I’m tired or he’s been a jerk lately.
When he smokes, it is a deffinite no-no. I would not even talk to him for an hour.
40. Don’t wake me in the middle of the night. I have a full-time job, go to school part-time,
take care of a house, you and a child. I’m exhausted by bedtime and need whatever sleep I
can get at night.
When I’m too tired, that’s the main reason.
Or when migraine hits, I just can’t function in any way.
Our schedules are just ‘off’–he’s ready for bed at 10, I’ve got another few hours in me. Afternoon delight for us!
I say yes when he needs affirmation.
45. To change my mind–puppy dog eyes never hurt.
If he’s mean and crabby, he doesn’t get any LOL I don’t expect him to always be in a great, happy, smiling mood – his job is hard, he does come home tired – but I do expect him to be polite and respectful – when he’s not, it’s not a form of “punishment” that he doesn’t get any, it’s that I’m just not in the mood when he’s acting that way.
Is there anything he can do to change my mind? Yes! Be polite & respectful, see above lol
When I’m in too much pain or it will cause enough muscle spasm that I’d need physical therapy to regain everyday function. No, there’s not really anything that will keep me in the mood when I’m in that much pain.
If I caught him lying. It is a big turn off.
50. Lack of interest in anything in my life.