A Woman Explains Why She Doesn’t Need Advice
The Story Behind the Story
It’s another day on Twitter, and somehow the conversation turns to, you know, sex. And advice. And advice on sex. I replied that everyone needs advice on sex. And one participant explains that she doesn’t need advice on sex.
“Why not?” I ask. (I cannot help myself.)
“My mother sold lingerie when I was in high school to women at lingerie parties. I helped her and learned about everything.”
BINGO. Now, this was a source that we all needed to hear from. Plus, I needed to know what this woman knows to merit her feeling that she does not need sex advice.
What’s the problem with this? There’s just too much good information to absorb for one post.
Therefore, today we’ll cover her “credentials” and what she learned. In the second part of the interview, we’ll go to her specific advice.
Here goes…
1. In our Twitter exchange, you explained that you don’t need any sex advice. Why is that?
LOL Honestly, I don’t think anyone needs sex advice. It boils down to communication with your partner. Everyone’s preferences and tastes are different. Add two people together and those preferences and tastes may not be the same. Communicating your desires and what turns you on, is the best way to achieve sexual satisfaction. It is also something that I think a lot of couples fail to do. It’s like we are afraid to say “hey I like it when you use your tongue like that”
2. What makes your intimate life so satisfying? (You don’t need to be explicit unless you want to be. I am just curious if it is variety, understanding each other, quantity, being in groove, etc.)
We have been together for 6 years. We still have sex 4-5 times a week. EVERY week. Everyone uses kids as an excuse. We have 5 at home full time. Then a couple times a year, we have my 2 stepkids. So our house is hectic, chaotic and crazy busy. He works 6-7 days a week. Our secret is not to have a schedule. Throw the TV on and lock the door! It’s not always perfect and we go through our ruts like everyone else. But after a week, we are both going insane. We definitely mix it up. It would get boring having quickies all the time. But since we are working around little ones schedules, we have to mix it up. He is not a romantic and definitely lacks in the foreplay department. I have to take control and guide him. Of course after 6 years, I think he just likes when I do that!
I also have a drawer full of lingerie. I’ve been known to slip it on before a dinner date and give him sneak peeks. Take a picture before dinner and text him while you are at dinner too! The goal is to have him saying CHECK before they even ask for dessert! Date nights must be regular too! We PEN in a date night once a week. No phones, no technology. Just the two of you!
3. You explained how you learned about intimacy. Can you explain what your mother did?
I learned about sex through my mom. She used to sell lingerie at lingerie parties when I was in high school. I used to help her out and earn money by helping her set up. 99% of it was very classy and made to make a woman feel great.
4. Did you get to listen in?
Yes I got to listen in. It’s amazing how open women can be in a group of women. Even women that are seen as more prudish. It’s their comfort zone and when one starts talking, stories start flying!
5. In the parties that worked best, what were the dynamics of the women? Were they friends? Sisters?
Most definitely friends. We are more relaxed with friends than family members.
6. What are the 5 (or 50 if you want) most interesting/important things you learn from the women at these lingerie parties?
- COMMUNICATE (Have I mentioned that before?) It’s the best thing EVER and one of the hardest things to do!
- When you are in the bedroom, let go of inhibitions. If you are with someone you love and trust completely, this should not be a problem!
- Make it fun. Go on a date. Laugh. Remove car seats before your date.
- Keep a drawer full of lingerie and WEAR IT!
- Send little messages throughout the day to build excitement
- When sending him to the grocery store, add something Naughty to the list.
- No one else knows what you are wearing underneath your clothes but your husband will like it.
- Men need to know they are wanted, respected and SEXY.
- A b-job is all about the tongue, not the other things that you may hear.
I hope you agree with me that this woman is a great resource, because not only did she learn about sex from a lot of women, but her marriage reflects energy and enthusiasm for a solid and active and playful intimate life.
Tomorrow she’ll give advice both to women and men. Just wait! What she has to say is GREAT!
Other Posts You May Enjoy
2 Drawers of Lingerie (the followup to this post – very interesting…)
Husbands and Wives Need One Thing
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Another great post – thanks Sarah (and the interviewee!)
Love this post Sarah! Whenever someone shares from their own journey, I think it equips and encourages others to reflect on their own journey. Thank you for taking the time to share this conversation.
They are all such great tips. She seems really healthy and happy in herself and in her relationship. Whether or not you think you need sex advice, sometimes reading it just reassures you that what you’re doing is right, or that your experiences are not that dissimilar to other peoples. It’s all down to interpretation.