FTT – Twenty Questions – The Twist

08. Jun, 2010 Categories: Fun Tip Tuesdays, Intimacy in Marriage by Sarah Baron 10 Comments

A New Take on An Old Game – With GREAT Results

Twenty Questions to Improve Intimacy in a Relationship

Rachel Baldree, in a comment on another post, explained how she played her own made up version of 20 questions with her husband when things were kind of rough. It was a way to reconnect. I thought it was such a great idea that I asked her to share what they did. First, it obviously increases intimacy (the emotional kind – stop only thinking about you know what). Second, with a little bit of a twist, you can use this came to improve physical intimacy as well. Here’s what she has to say.

“Twenty questions (or 5 or 15 or 50 questions- however many you want to do!) is a great date night activity or just something to do when you are driving or feel like your relationship needs a little boost. My husband and I started doing this when we were dating just to learn more about each other and we would drive and talk and talk.

A month or two ago I was thinking that with kids, work and family responsibilities I felt like my husband and I were drifting apart emotional and intellectually. I was sad and couldn’t figure out what to do and how to fix it until one day it hit me… we weren’t talking and communicating anymore like we used to do! So I pulled out this old ‘game’ and figured it would help open the lines of communication, get us listening to each other and thinking of the other person more than ourselves. And… it worked!

It is VERY simple and can be as long or as short as you want to make it. We call it 20 questions but it really doesn’t matter how many questions are asked or what you ask as long as you are focusing on the other person or you both as a couple. When we were dating we used to just think of questions off the cuff about random things but since I wanted to make it a date night and keep it simple for us I just wrote down a bunch of question on strips of paper and dropped them in a small bowl. Then when we had our kids asleep one night we just sat on the couches facing each other and took turns drawing a strip from the bowl and reading it to the other person to answer. We ended up loving it so much it took 2 hours to get through and it felt like 5 minutes. We said that there can be one pass (so you don’t have to answer it and can turn it over to the other person to answer) but other than that it is very straight forward… just answer the questions when it is your turn (without just plain yes or no answers) and when it is the others turn to answer, listen to their answer without interrupting. Just listen.

Some Samples for Your Twenty Questions

To help you get started here are a few of the questions that were in our bowl—be creative and think about you as a couple or what you would like to know about your spouse:

What was the first thing you noticed about me?

What made me “The One”?

What activity do you wish we could do more?

If you could choose how many nights a week we were intimate, how many would that be?

Who was your first crush?

What is something you ‘got away with’ when you were growing up?

What does love mean to you?

If you could change one thing, what would you change about yourself and why?

Did you ever do anything that you regret to this day?

When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?

If you could teleport anywhere for only 90 seconds, where would you go?

Is there a childhood day that stands out in your memory?

What would a perfect day be like?

If you were coming home from work stressed by some difficult situations, what could I do that would make life seem a little better?

Aside from agreeing to be your spouse, what is the best thing I have ever done for you?

What do you consider to be the best thing you have ever done for me?

What are you proudest of at this time in your life?

Besides your immediate family, what relative had the biggest influence on you?

If you hadn’t been a [occupation here], what do you think would be the next most likely career you would have chosen?

What have you done in the last week that has made you feel good about yourself?

What do you wish I understood about myself?

What do you wish I understood better about you?

I hope this helps! It is great for us. I am actually planning on doing another ’20 questions session’ next week for our date night. I really think this would be a great thing to do once every month or two just to reconnect and make sure the lines of communication are open both ways- (listening and being listened too!) Good luck!”

Isn’t that a great idea? It reminds of the The Jar of Desires, but in more of a game-like way. And while they only drew one question at a time, Rachel could do a whole series in the process…

Any thoughts or suggestions or questions you would add to this mix?